Starbucks bathroom

I wanted to share a fantastic, Seinfeldesqe observation by Bill Simmons that he just randomly interjected in one of his columns. Enjoy.

"By the way, I'm writing a big chunk of this column in a Starbucks that always has a bizarre older customer sitting at the biggest table near the front door, almost like it's an office or something. There's a 95-percent chance he's completely insane because he spends the time crumpling and uncrumpling pieces of paper, making phone calls to people who might not be real and reading the same page of the same book for hours on end. (OK, maybe it's a 99.9 percent chance.) I have never been to this Starbucks and NOT seen Crazy Guy at that table.

Anyway, as I was typing the last question, I noticed him grab a New York Times from the newspaper rack, pull off the front section, then head over to the bathroom, go in and shut the door. Horrifying, right? So about five minutes pass, and I'm typing away, and finally a female customer walks over there, realizes the bathroom is locked, and decides to wait for the door to open. Another five minutes pass, and a third customer joins her, and some more time passes, and now they're exchanging looks like, "My God, I wonder what's going on in there?" Around the 15-minute mark, there's a flush. About 45 seconds later, the door opens and Crazy Guy comes out holding the Times.

I'm telling you this story for two reasons:

1. You know someone has logged too much time in the same Starbucks when he feels totally comfortable grabbing a newspaper, hanging out in the bathroom for 20 minutes and walking out in front of multiple people with that same newspaper. It's the final stage. It's like getting to fourth base with Starbucks.

2. When the guy walked out with the paper, the female customer who had been patiently waiting for 10 minutes immediately turned into Jerry Jones after Romo's final interception in the Giants game. She didn't move, she didn't flinch -- she just stared straight ahead and tried not to have an aneurysm. And I'm sitting here thinking, "I wish time could stop right now because I'd love to wager on this with the two baristas and offer them 2-to-1 odds that she says 'Screw it' and doesn't go in there." But she took a deep breath and waded in there. The entire sequence was incredible. And you wonder why I write in public places."

Party, my house, be there... PIG ROAST!

Can you attach any other two words to a party theme to let your guests know that you mean business about partying? I mean, if you say "I don't know... I'll just throw on some burgers and 'dogs, or something." That is not very impressive. But if you say your are going to put in the effort to get the hog, equipment, and spend time roasting the porky bastard... then you are damn serious about having this party! You are essentially guilting people into coming. You know that they are thinking, "Damn... how can I miss this?! I can't let him down!"

I know that birthday, graduation, and goodbye parties are all very worthy reasons to have a good time, but adding a Pig Roast to the mix only amplifies the original level of party. I suppose pinatas could be popular as well, but that is fleeting fun. Roasting and devouring the hog is lasting fun.

Sadly, this comes at the expense of one unfortunate swine. Wilbur is certainly not having any fun during all of this. It is quite the barbaric act, but it still can take a party to new heights. I shall try this sometime... until then, I'll rely on Jenga and Guitar Hero as my headline attractions.

Playing Catch-up

I've been quite dormant on the blogger, so now is time to get things started back up. Let's begin with some linkage...

- I visited Seattle in September, but didn't get to ride the SLUT train.

- Marilyn Manson decapitates robotic girlfriend on stage. Wonderful.

- If you don't know Gus Johnson, you should watch this to see what he's capable of. He's an excellent announcer who has his own website with some very interesting items. How about... Gustones for your phone?!... yeah, that's ridiculous.

- No World for Tomorrow? Well maybe... but no Coheed massacre yet.

- This is a very old story regarding the Falcons... but that's of no consequence. The real story is DeAngelo Hall's impeccable use of the word "asinine."

"If that's the case ... they can probably cut me too," Hall said. "They need to cut all 53 of us. Nobody is playing the way they should be playing right now, obviously. I mean, we're 1-6. To sit there and single out Grady is just asinine. It's ridiculous." – DeAngelo Hall

- I had the chance to catch and episode of Assume the Position. This HBO show covers significant historical events in a fresh, fun manner. I'm a new found fan of good presentation and enthusiasm and this show delivers both. Give it a watch.

- This link has been on my shelf since June! But since it's hockey season again... I suppose it's relevant. My favorite Patriot's fan, Bill Simmons, decided to do an impromptu running diary of the NHL draft. He knows nothing of hockey... and that's what makes it great. There are many comments on adolescent mustaches, Canadian-isms, and a freakishly, accurate prediction of corruption in the NHL.

- Speaking of Bill Simmons... don't hate him too much for the Pat's thing. He repeatedly has stuck up for the 'Burgh and I think genuinely respects and enjoys our fine city. Just look at what he had to say in a chat about the ladies of the 'Burgh.

Mike (Dayton): I was slamming beers in Pittsburgh this weekend to make the girls hotter. Did I make the right decision? SportsNation Bill Simmons: Come on, you can't diss the 'Burgh like that! Pittsburgh girls are underrated.

- Another blogger/author that I read regularly is Seth Godin. His blog is extremely well-written, concise, and thought provoking. He writes about marketing, but his observations and thoughts are usually universal. Anyway... I greatly enjoy his blog (which is currently ranked #15) and you check it out. What makes me like him even more, is that he practices what he preaches. I recently emailed him a question regarding a post he responded within only a few hours. It speaks very well for him, considering how much effort he puts into his work. Something I think we can all improve on.

- I went to Epcot for their food and wine festival in October. While I was there, I was introduced to the concept of "drinking around the World" while at Epcot. If anyone comes down to Florida and wants to give this a shot, I am definitely willing to participate. Also, while I was there... I found my Halloween costume while I was hitting on a Norwegian employee (unsuccessfully).

- Finally, I want to end this post with a mysterious photo. What do you think this glove does?

The Curveball Challenge

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